BT Permission Slip

I, ______, want to become frum, because I am convinced that Judaism is a viable path for life. I certify, under penalty of disillusionment, that I have read and agreed to the following stipulations.

(Note: Here, I get the life sized picture of Chico and Groucho doing the contract scene in Night at the Opera. "The party of the first part shall be known as the party of the first part ...")

1) Judaism operates just like any other lifestyle. People with money and power get special treatment and impunity. Jobs and critical life requirements are filled through nepotism and netwrok ties between family and friends. You will likely lose any such ties that you have, so be prepared to survive and build your empire on your own.

2) Judaism professes belief in some far out, magical, superstitious, anti-scientific (or outdated scientific), downright weird stuff. These things are vestigial remnants of ancient apologetics, retained for value that they provide in understanding lines of reasoning. They are not meant to be everlasting physical truths or mesoretic pronouncements. The BT agrees not to base his practice of Judaism on these matters, nor to promote them as proof, as said proof relates to reality, henceforth known in this document as REALITY.

3) BT understands that "Armageddon is coming", "Moshiach is coming today" etc. are only expressions of eagerness and hope, not a lifestyle. KP is not responsible for any damage caused by adherence to said philosophy as lifestyle.

4) BT understands that his efforts are not in any way "heroic", not to be challenged in any way by any statement made to or about BT by KP. All sacrifices of family and professional opportunity are solely the responsibility of the BT. No special consideration is due to BT from any party.

5) BT understands that he is now required to have many children, 5, 10, more, G-d willing. BT is responsible for all expenses, especially yeshiva tuition. Since this expense will likely exceed the cost of buying a new sports car or SUV every year for 15 years or more, BT is responsible to show proof of financial viability and sources of potential income before entering into this contract.

6) BT understands that certain mores of society such as considering Jews and non-Jews as equals, viewing intermarried couples as "living the lifestyle of their choice" rather than "an earthshaking tragedy", teaching science, rather than religion, in a science class, viewing the assimilated Jew as another person, rather than a "target", getting to really know a person before marrying them, advocating professional careers for women, must be specificly rejected by BT under penalty of expulsion.

6) BT understands that integration into a community is required for full acceptance of this contract. BT understands that said integration is entirely, wholly, utterly and completely, the responsibility of the BT. BT understands that efforts to gain emotional support or lifestyle advice within said community may lead to suspicion and ostracism.

7) BT understands that the lifestyle requirements are extraordinarily expensive. BT understands that external forces, rather than personal commitment may require him to keep very strict and contrived rules that increase this expense. BT understands that if he thinks he can get by on a normal income, say 80K to 120K (depending on where he lives and how many kids he ultimately has), he is out of his cotton picking mind. BT further understands that efforts to obtain more money may be hampered by said community restrictions, like forbidding use of the Internet, lackadasical adherence to announced minyan times etc. Accommodations will only be forthcoming at the discretion of the community parties, aka anyone affected by the ensuing lack of money.

8) BT is forbidden to ever read a weblog, henceforth BLOG.

I have read and fully accept this contract.

__________________________________
Signature of starry eyed BT here

I have read and made sure that no responsibility can be pinned on me

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Signature of KP