Our Little Shteibl (or Chabad House) - Part II

Now let's turn to the kiruv pro. He perceives his mission in life to bring the good news of Torah to every Jewish ear. And how can he lose? Does he not have great frum scientists in every field to ward off pesky questions while his wife cranks out the most modern healthy low fat yoga friendly foods? Can he not discuss modern current events, the rotten Arabs, the intrigues and secret antisemitism of the current US, Canadian administrations, whomever they may be at the moment, the chutzpah of the antireligious Israeli government, the heroism of the Yesh(a) settlers and so on? Can he not show how "migdal haPorayach b'Avir" preceded the Wright brothers by 2000 years? His voice will crackle with excitement and his manner exudes friendliness to every young unaffiliated face.

Financially, he must find a sugar daddy from among the wealthy yidden to fund his efforts and his own salary. As I said before, this person never hears the truth. He will sit up front, get every honor, donate the Max J. Goldman memorial solid gold candlabra (and pay the heating bill). He will get shlishi and shvi'i and maftir and musaf etc. If he has a problem with the mechitza, a compromise will be found. If something in learning might offend his sensibilities, it will be skipped or vigorously apologized for. Because, you see, our sugar daddy did not leave university to go to yeshiva, his wife worked as they spaced their two kids carefully so that both could pursue their careers with full attention. They would never allow their two kids to be as wild as the frum kids. The sugar daddy and therefore the kiruv pro look with derision upon the 40 something man who sits in the back and davens with force, looking very much like he has swallowed the alien seed from the original movie and it will burst forth any minute. He has 7 kids, no money, though he can discuss how the theories of Pasteur were actually foretold in the Parsha. It is not that he is not intelligent enough to be in medicine or law, but he simply has no ambition in those directions, as he will tell you that only G-d provides sustenance and not the profession. He dropped out of law school to go to yeshiva, where he learned how degrading it was to be a university trained professional, and how much a waste of time it was to do anything but sit and learn, and how women should really not work outside the home. He learned that he should not plan his life out, but he should marry and have as many children as G-d gave him, the results of which now have runny noses, are yelling and running indoors, and the youngest of them have come to shul today, primarily because mom needed them out of the house for a few hours. He makes good money, but not enough for his extravagant lifestyle of feeding kids, clothing kids ... oh yeah and educating them. (The KPs brother JUST HAPPENS to be in charge at the school. Small world.)

So this kiruv professional has just devoted years to turning people like his SD into people like this young man. He has courted his SD for that express purpose. And here the three of them sit. Until something something goes really, really wrong. More to come ...