The End is Near

It says that in the times of Moshiach, Nevua will return. And I think I can report that this is happening throughout the Jewish world. Blogs like Heshy, R' Lazar Brody (with nod to the ultrareal Orthomom) and others are revealing G-d's reasons for bringing various calamities upon us. For that, a person must have prophetic powers or at least be a tzadik. However, it seems that this awesome power has been turned over to the bloggers. And why should I be left out? I want to do this also, and I can show how G-d has brought various calamities, measure for measure against the Jewish people.

1) The Jewish nation won a war in 1967 and held all of the West Bank and Gaza. But, they invited the Arabs back and created an enemy within their borders ever since. Then, in 1993, Rabin called the PLO back from Tunis, again bringing a bitter enemy in the house. So it is no wonder that G-d paid measure for measure and caused the Boston Red Sox to win the ALCS, even within the very House that Ruth Built. The Yankees had won 3 in a row, including a devasting 6 day rout 19-8. The Gematria of Boston Red Sox is the same as Hisb al Tachrir al Falestine, the full name of the PLO. Ooooooooooh!

2) Hurricane Katrina was not the result of Gaza but of the Jews not wearing black yarmulkas. G-d caused their little knit kefira caps to fly across the bayou.

3) Many Jews put their faith in magic medicine, based on avoda zara and nonsense. These methods are taught by self styled experts in dogma, who know little about science, common sense, or proper observation. They were paid back with the Slifkin ban, where the largest minds in Judaism today, en masse, made utterly clear how little they knew about science, common sense, and proper observation.

4) Young Jewish children disrespect their parents by not eating their vegetables, even after being admonished repeatedly. There is no doubt that Islamic extremism's resurgence was not far behind. Leaving behind the brussel sprouts and feeding them to the dog clearly brought Osama to New York. G-d paid back their insolence measure for measure. The Gematria of "non-kid-friendly green material" is equal to the Gematria of "Al Qaeda will return and destroy the city". Or was that Nostradamus?

5) All Jews know that G-d is a registered democrat, emulated by the vast majority of his chosen people. That is why He showed his displeasure at the repeated election of Republicans by forcing Americans to listen to Ted Kennedy (D,MA), chairman of Senate Committee on Temperance, and Robert Byrd (D,WV), Grand Wizard of the Senate Geriatric Committee, to speak publicly. Next to the verse of "Becharta B'Chaim", every 169th letter spells out "Leiberman '08".

6) Many people touch their shoes and do not wash their hands as Jewish law dictates. There can be no doubt that this caused a tsunami disaster, killing hundreds of thousands of people, many of whom work as slave labor in shoe factories.

While prophecy is an ikar of the Jewish faith, I did not find it particularly difficult. Making a few simple connections should have been easy for our sages over the years, yet they allowed the era of prophecy to end. I suppose they did not have bloggers. Their loss.

Note about Gematria: A certain Chasidic Rebbe would "fer tish" every Shabbos. He noted that the Gematria of Vodka was the same Shabbos Koidesh. One of the Chasidim pointed out that even on cursory examination, one could see that the Gematria of Vodka was nowhere near that of Shabbos Koidesh. The Rebbe thought a moment and concluded that if this Chasid would take some more Vodka, it would add up correctly.