Thoughts on Judaism

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Are you Fundamentalist?

Other quizzes of this type on the Internet have questions that misunderstand the basic belief systems. Therefore, the questions do not offer the best determination of your religious direction.

Take the quiz below: (Questions and answers based on true, actual discussions)
(Do not think about or check your answers. This is essential for a fundamentalist!)


1) How much disdain do you have for those who could, but do not, practice your religion?

a) Lots of disdain
b) Tons of Disdain
c) I spit in their direction
d) INFIDELS!

2) How much disdain do you have for people who practice your religion differently than you do, with different rituals, customs or beliefs?

a) I feel pity for them that cannot see the true way.
b) I feel pity that they will burn in hell.
c) I feel no pity. Let them burn in hell.
d) INFIDELS!

3) When it comes to science and religion, I consider myself

a) an expert in the theory of relativity
b) an expert in cosmology and quantum mechanics
c) an expert in genetics, biology, geology, chemistry, paleontology and archeology
d) an expert in the lost ancient medical arts
e) an expert in astronomy, astrophysics and especially the ancient true art of astrology

4) Evolution

a) is just a theory, not a fact
b) has never been directly observed
c) is proven false, internally inconsistent and evil
d) makes me wanna puke
e) makes me go into convulsions at every mention

5) Teaching evolution in school to innocent children

a) is less prefereable than exposing them to drugs and pornography
b) is an evil design of the state to atheize our children
c) exposes their souls to the Satan, evil inclination, or facsimile
d) should be balanced with the science of Intelligent Design.
e) makes me want to grunt threateningly and throw feces at the BOE

6) The Supreme Being

a) believes in my religion exactly as I do
b) wrote a book instructing the world to believe exactly as I do
c) interprets said book exactly as I do
d) will punish anyone who does not believe exactly as I do

7) Ancient religious sages seem to make mistakes about science

a) because scientists today are simply wrong
b) because we cannot fathom the depth of their mystical knowledge of these matters
c) because G-d has changed nature to test us
d) because G-d told the sages to intentionally make errors to test us
e) because scientists today are misled by false evidence planted by previous scientists

8) Sages of my religion

a) are incapable of error due to their connection with the Supreme Being

9) Is it possible that sentences or allegorical stories in the book of the Supreme Being may be taken figuratively?

a) No, they happened as stated 100%
b) No, G-d says directly what he means all the time
c) No, you stinking INFIDEL!
d) Yes, but I am a stinking infidel, so don't go by me

10) A religious tenet is true if

a) it says so in the Bible
b) the ancient religious sages say that it says so in the Bible
c) my religious leader says that the ancient religious sages say that it says so in the Bible
d) it is incomprehensible
e) a mystical book says that his religious leader said that the ancient religious sages say that it says so in the Bible
f) a mystic says that it is true
g) it is confirmed by equidistant skip codes in the Bible
h) it is confirmed by randomly opening a holy book and reading the page
i) I knew about it before you told me about it
j) it is written in a language that I do not understand
k) my grandfather believed in it

5 Comments:

  • Thanks for the tremendous chuckle on what is otherwise stressful day! (I take an important exam tomorrow.)

    May I repost this on my blog (with appropriate references, of course...)

    By Blogger Joclyn, at 4:08 PM  

  • Please feel free.

    By Blogger Rebeljew, at 4:54 PM  

  • Thanks! :-)

    By Blogger Joclyn, at 5:06 PM  

  • THIS IS AWESOME, DUDE. I LOVE IT! dID YOU WRITE IT AFTER MASHKE?

    By Blogger Torah-mented, at 12:00 AM  

  • these questions are way to relevant for a smicha test

    By Blogger TALIBAN, at 6:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home