May 21 is upon us

The date May 21st has been established as the date of the "rapture". That is when the Christian Bible says that true believers will be taken to heaven to sit out the terrible tribulation here on our planet. It even says that two people will be standing together and one will be taken and the other left, so it should be simple to discern that it happened.

On the remote chance that we exit Shabbat and enter the morning of Lag B'Omer with the world still full of Bible thumping Christian fundamentalists, including Harold Camping, what will the excuse be? And what of the Great Parade in Crown Heights? Does it matter which messianic leader and chasidic you believe in? Do they have Jews in heaven in Christianity? Kosher food? Chinese take out? This could go on forever. So many questions I could not care less about.

However, you gotta love Camping. There are some real lulus in the world, but it takes a special cheeseball to predict the end of the world on a specific day with undeniable effects. I wish I could watch the hem/haw interview. Oprah, magic healing queen, should do the honors. "So, Rev. Camping, you say that you miscalculated because G-d goes by the revised after leap years and daylight savings time are taken into account, and we must add the 70 years for the 4 four horsemen of the apocalypse and divide by the shoe size of Obama the Antichrist?"

I knew it would be locusts. I have already sprayed OFF on my clothes and treated the lawn with the antibug stuff. Who knows what the mark of G-d is? The tattoo parlors should know. It's their job.