Dr. Seuss Goes Off the Deep End

I am Shmil
Shmil I am
I do not hold like Rabbi Pam

I do not eat the OU meat
I' never daven on Linden Street
I'd never go to Chayim's house
I'd not have Lazer's daughter for a spouse.

I love the Yidden who praise to G-d
I hate the folks that go to Chabad
I am not a Chasidic fool
I go to Rabbi Feinshtein's shul

I go to the mikveh for ablution.
I do not believe in evolution.
In fact, those kofrim make me nauseous
With our kanayim, they'd best be cautious.

Women exist only for giving birth
I believe the Sun goes 'round the Earth.
Cooking and cleaning is G-d's plan
For every good girl of a Jewish clan.
So while I learn, go make a meal
And bear strong sons for good ole Shmil

I hope the Reform all gag and choke.
I hope my land scams don't go broke.
I'd kill Sharon, not let him live
That goes for the Conservative.
And I wish a wasting pox
On all the Modern Orthodox

And the Shvartzes don't mean beans
They shoulda been in New Orleans
Most of all, I thank Hashem above
Who taught me truth, compassion and LOVE.