Given the high price of auto repair, the proliferation of mechanics who will defraud the public, and the general untrustworthiness of car manufacturers and auto parts manufacturers and dealers, I have turned to alternative auto repair as a solution. Sadly, my twin cam has increasing operational problems, and there is a limited amount that western allomechanical auto repair methods can do to rejuvenate my automobile. During my last visit to the auto shop, I realized that mechanics only look at the problems with the car when it breaks. they seem wholly uninterested in the proper and optimal operation of the entire car, its spiritual engine hum, as well as its overall fuel and fluid flow. I had given up hope when I stumbled across a practitioner that practices various types of alternative auto repair. Based on methods used since the invention of the wheel, often attributed to Hnbdicyuetgkf (also called Hnbd the wise in ancient inscriptions on caves in Neanderthal), he was able to determine the overall health of my twin cam and fix it holistically, restoring its spiritual and physical pep. (Please note: none of the methods that I will list are shown to diagnose, treat or aid in the treatment of any specific problem with an automobile.)
1) Auto-acupuncture - While this works best on oriental automobiles, it has been brought to the US with great success, though unpublicized. While ASA auto mechanic types tend to scoff, the amazing results are undeniable. At the treatment center I visited, the skilled mechanic identified seven main acupuncture points on the vehicle, and placed electrically charged pins in those points. According to his explanation, this increased the flow of qi through meridians located just under the metal shell of the chassis. The driving of the thin but amazingly strong pins through the metal shell caused little damage to the chassis. While it will take 6 months of treatments, 3 times a week, I saw tremendous improvement from the first few visits. What can I say? I was a skeptic. I am a believer now.
I must add though, on a skeptical note, that, disappointingly, acupuncture used on the tires did not increase their life or tread appreciably and may be counter-indicated. I had to replace them very shortly after this procedure.
2) Auto-reflexology - Did you know that the key to car operation is held right on the doors? No, I do not mean the little sticker that tells you all of the things that your allomechanic and auto parts dealer use to keep soaking you for cash, but I am talking about the fact that the operation of the entire vehicle is represented by areas of space on the door which correspond to each system and part of the car, the engine, the brakes, the steering system, the fuel injection system, even the gas cap. They even showed me how to make my headlights last longer by applying appropriate pressure to points on the door which represent the lights. Engineers still do not understand the intricate connections that are manipulated by this incredible ancient art. However, the auto wellness consultant at the center showed me literature in Chinese that indicates that this method was used successfully on rickshaws and pushcarts for thousands of years. It is far past time that western mechanics were introduced to these methods and properly trained by eastern masters. If it has been used for thousands of years, it must work.
3) Homeo-mechanics - We all know that the cooling system is very important in the car. However, your allomechanic will put dangerous and highly toxic chemicals in your radiator to keep it cool. Try putting some coolant directly into your gas tank and see what happens. DON'T DO IT! It will DESTROY the car. It is poison! The homeo-mechanic consultant at the center explained principals that my allo-mechanic never wanted me to know, so he could keep bilking me. He explained that a scientist a couple of centuries ago discovered that if you want to fix a problem, you must find something that causes that problem. For instance, in the case of the cooling system, he recommended chlorine, which anyone can see will burn skin on contact. So it must be hot, and only something hot can fix something from being too hot. Then, and this is key, he diluted the chlorine many times, taking 1 part tincture to 100 parts water each time, creating a 30 CK solution. He then filled my radiator with this mixture and my engine has been running at the proper temperature all summer. For winter, he will use the same procedure beginning with dry ice, since only something cold can keep cold from doing damage.
He explained that while scientists would say that they can prove that a 30C solution has no chlorine in it, obviously, the chlorine affected the water at a molecular level. Otherwise, how can you explain the proper operation of the radiator. I cannot wait until the winter comes and I will have saved a bundle of money and the danger of putting poisonous chemicals in my car.
That's all we have time for this week. Next week, I plan to take the car back to the center where the naturo-mechanic will look over it carefully and try to diagnose problems that may have gone completely undetected by my western trained mechanic.